Connecticut Writers
by Arianna555
Summary: Rory is living in New Haven, going to Yale. When she runs into an old friend at a used bookstore, can she figure out why he's back in her life? Can writing bring them together? Literati. long discontinued.
1. Seeing what I didn't expect to see

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 1 – Seeing what I didn't expect to see

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. I also don't own any book or author references, and I'm not in any way associated with Yale University. The bookstore isn't real.

A/N: I was working on "Believe Me, I'll Be There" when I got this idea, so I wrote it. I have several ideas for this, though, and I plan to continue it soon. The next few chapters of Believe Me I'll Be There will be up soon too. This is my first future fic, and basically: Rory was good friends with Jess, but they were never actually together. Jess left (to NY, not CA), they wrote each other sometimes, and now Rory's in graduate school at Yale, living in New Haven.  This is sort of introducing everything, but I promise it will get better soon! Also: okay, I know that a first edition Hemingway would be really expensive. But it's not important to the story, so…pretend that 20 dollars is a realistic price. I hope you like this, and please review!  ~Arianna

It had taken forever. At least, it seemed like forever to me. I was twenty-four, and after three years, I had finished the book I'd been working on. It was published quietly, but in most bookstores, one could now find Reading this Book, by Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, on the shelves.

I was earning enough money to stay in a small apartment in New Haven, while I studied for my graduate degree in English Literature at Yale. I visited my mom in Stars Hollow as much as I could, but I was busy. I wasn't planning on writing another book anytime soon. I wanted to finish college first. I did know that this was what I wanted to do. It wasn't that I'd given up on my dream of being an overseas correspondent, but writing was good. Really good. And it meant I could spend time in Stars Hollow.

I didn't have a boyfriend, having broken up with Dean at the beginning of my senior year at Chilton. However, I still wrote to Jess occasionally. We were friends. Just friends who didn't see each other very much. And friends who weren't as close as we used to be. I hadn't heard from Jess in a long time.

Studying for a Ph.D. in English Literature was both difficult and interesting, but not as demanding as my first four years of college had been, especially with the work on the book to add to it all. I was working on a paper on the structures of journalism and fictional writing in America, but I still had a few weeks to work on it.

On a weekend in February, tired from hours of typing, I ended up wandering around New Haven, and I found myself in a used bookstore. It was the kind I loved; stacks of books along the walls and in the corners, shelves, filled with novels in almost no order, that towered over me. I went up to the desk.

"Hello," a woman greeted me. She looked about thirty or thirty-five, with brown hair and gray eyes, and she was smiling.

"Hi," I replied, smiling back. "Uh, I hate to ask…but is there a literature section?"

"Sorry, no," she answered. "You pretty much have to take a lucky guess as to where anything is around here."

"Oh, that's fine."

"Great. Yell if you need any help. I'm Melanie."

"I'm Rory," I introduced myself. "Have you been here long? I haven't noticed this place before."

"A few years…I moved from Stanford. How about you?"

"I'm from Stars Hollow." She looked slightly confused, and I tried not to laugh. "It's a small town," I explained. "I'm studying at Yale."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"So, good luck finding something," Melanie said brightly.

"Thanks." I went over to a shelf in the back of the store and knelt down, searching for something interesting.

I saw a yellowed piece of paper stuck between the pages of one of the books in the next shelf. Curious, I reached over and pulled it out. In messy, bold writing, it said 'first edition.' I smiled. I loved finding stuff like this. It was like finding gold to me. I took the book off the shelf. It was Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. I opened the front cover to see if it really was a first edition. It was. Then I turned the page to look at the print. 

And stared at it, shocked. It was something I would never have expected. I read it again, slowly. In handwriting I recognized: _This book belongs to Jess Mariano_.

How had that gotten here? Why would Jess ever come to New Haven?

_To see you_, something whispered in my mind. But that couldn't be true. We were just friends, and not even that close anymore… _You were almost together. He almost kissed you, right after you broke up with Dean. You thought it wouldn't be right…that's the only reason he didn't…_ I dismissed that thought. Yeah he had liked me for a while, I knew that. It had been seven years. Supposing he really _had_ come to see me, which I couldn't say I thought he would, he would have found me before he went to donate books. Right?

I found an old copy of The Fountainhead as well, and then I got up to pay for the two books. I was still puzzled about Jess' name in that book. But hey—it was a first edition.

Something moved, across the room. Then someone walked by and left the store, on the other side of the shelf I was looking at. Someone with dark hair, walking quickly, reminding me of someone. I shook my head. _It couldn't be_. I was just thinking about Jess after finding that book. That was all. There was no way he was here in New Haven now.

I went back up to the front desk.

"Find anything?" Melanie asked.

"It's not hard somewhere like this," I replied, handing her the two novels.

"Definitely not," she agreed, typing them into the register. "So you like to read?"

"I love it," I said enthusiastically. "Always have." I was about to ask her if she knew anyone by the name of Jess Mariano, having not been able to make myself forget the idea yet, but I decided against it. There was always later.

"I recently read this new book," Melanie commented. "It was great…you should check it out. It's not hard to get into, and it's interesting."

"What book?" I asked, wondering if I'd read it. 

"Oh—I believe it was called Reading this Book," she told me. "I don't remember the author's name right now."

"By Lorelai Leigh Gilmore," I said, hiding my astonishment.

"That's it. So you've read it?"

I didn't need attention. I could wait until after I had my degree; wasn't so busy anymore. "I've looked over it," I answered.

"I highly recommend it." Melanie glanced at the display on the register, then at the books. "Wow, a first edition."

"Yeah."

"That's twenty dollars." I paid for the books. "Enjoy them."

"I will." I said goodbye to Melanie and walked back to my apartment. Sun was shining through the clouds, and it was cool, but not as cold as a normal Connecticut February.

When I got back, I flipped open my laptop and worked on my paper for a while, then opened The Fountainhead and started reading it again, forgetting, for a while at least, the puzzling name in my other new book. A name I used to know well and used to say a lot. The name of someone who hated The Fountainhead. I laughed at the memory and continued reading.


	2. Maybe I was right at first

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 2 – Maybe I was right at first

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. I don't own any books (although I hope to write at least one in the future. lol). I also don't own any authors. Both the bookstore and the coffee place are made up, and I'm not associated in any way with Yale University.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I updated! First I was on spring break, then I didn't have access to this computer, then I had to figure out how I wanted this chapter to go. But I got an idea for it, so here it is! I really like the way this chapter turned out, so I hope you all do! I know there are several unanswered questions in it, but I promise they'll all eventually be answered in the story! Enjoy, and please review! THANK YOU to everyone who's reviewed; I'm glad you like this! I've pretty much planned out this story, but still, if you have any suggestions, I'd like to hear them! ~Arianna

A few days passed, and I finished both books. The Sun Also Rises was one of Hemingway's few tolerable novels, to me. Bored with writing my paper and with my classes, though I usually found them interesting, I went back to the used bookstore.

"Back again," Melanie said to me.

"Of course." I grinned. I rarely go to a bookstore only once. I went back to the section I'd been in before and started looking through the books.

Once again, I noticed something moving, this time in the same row I was in. I walked to the left to see who was there, thinking maybe it was somebody from my class.

It wasn't. But it was someone I knew. 

_No, it's not. It can't be…_ He had the same dark hair, the same brown eyes, the same everything.

"Jess?" I said incredulously.

"Rory—"

"What are you _doing_ here?"

"Nice to see you too."

It was definitely Jess. "How long have you been around here?" I asked him. 

He shrugged. "A while."

I looked at the ground. "Did you know I was here? I told you I was going to Yale."

"I guessed…you might be here." He stopped. "I'm sorry I didn't write back."

"So you remembered."

"Rory."

"We were friends. I missed you."

"Do you want to get coffee or something? Talk?" (A/N: I didn't mean to take these lines from "That'll Do, Pig," it just worked here.)

"Okay," I said. "I can get coffee." We left together and started walking to a coffee place. Both of us were silent until we got there.

"So—let's sit down," I said.

"That would be good," Jess agreed.

"Yeah," I replied, uncomfortable. After finding that book…I'd had, in the back of my mind, the idea that Jess was, or at least had been, in New Haven. But that didn't change how strange it was to see him here. I still didn't know why he'd stopped contacting me, stopped writing me at all. And now he just showed up to stay here for a while?

There had to be a reason. I couldn't think of anything. Had he graduated from college? What was he doing with his life…did he have a girlfriend? Did that have something to do with why he'd stopped writing? I shook my head to stop the storm of questions. And I thought of another, one I was reluctant to admit to myself. Had he missed me? Jess had been my best friend. How could he just forget? After he stopped writing, I had stopped writing back. But I didn't stop occasionally wondering; I'd still kept all the pictures I had of us… _Stop_, I told myself sternly. _He'll tell me_. Wouldn't he?

A waiter came up to our table. 

"Can I help you?"

"I'll have coffee." Jess glanced at me.

"Oh, me too. I'll have coffee."

"Right away." The waiter left quickly.

"Still addicted?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, that couldn't change…" I hadn't changed at all, had I? I didn't think so. I was still Rory Gilmore, book reader, Stars Hollow resident. Had Jess changed? Obviously, some things had. But I couldn't tell what…and now he was too good at hiding what he was feeling for me to know until he told me.

"What have you been doing?" I asked.

"Oh…various jobs. You know." I found that hard to believe. Jess was too talented a writer for that… "What about you?"

"Studying mostly," I answered. "And I, uh…" I couldn't tell him. "Some part time stuff, to pay for the apartment."

"Right." This was stuff my teacher might ask me. I wanted Jess to really tell me what was going on. "Have you read anything good recently?"

I was going to tell him about what I'd found at the bookstore, but I decided to wait. He could tell me himself. "Not really," I said. "I've been busy…"

"I read this great book the other day."

That got me interested.

"It was called Reading This Book," he told me. I could just stare at him. "I loved it. It's amazing, Ror."

"You really…"

"Yeah. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Come on."

"Come on what?"

"Well, I haven't heard from my best friend in more than two years. I've got to tell him about the book I wrote!"

"Rory—"

"Jess," I countered.

He changed the subject. "What happened to being an overseas correspondent?"

"I like it here," I said. "And the writing is great."

"Here, in New Haven?"

"No, here, in Connecticut. In Stars Hollow."

"I should have known."

"You haven't been back there since New York, have you?" I asked.

"No."

_Why did you come here first? Why did you come here at all?_ "So did you graduate? Did you go to NYU? Community college?"

"No, I didn't."

"You didn't graduate—"

"I did."

"I—" I started to say.

"I went to Columbia."

I was shocked, but it was good. "Columbia! Wow, Jess, that's great! That's so great." If we weren't in a restaurant, despite being confused and angry and everything, I would have given him a hug.

He smiled back, sort of. "You're still studying? How many classes _are_ you taking?"

"I'm working on a Ph.D. in English Literature," I explained.

"Must be interesting." So he was back to being monosyllabic Jess Mariano.

"It is." I really wanted to ask Jess if there was something he wasn't telling me. What if he was married? What if…

He said it first. "So…do you have a boyfriend?"

"No." I waited. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No."

Neither of us knew what to say after that. Then the waiter came back with our coffee.

"Enjoy."

"Thanks," I said. I took a drink. It was okay. Nothing to compare with… "Have you been talking to Luke at all?" I asked Jess.

Maybe it was just my imagination, but he looked like he wanted to avoid that subject.

"No, I haven't," he replied. "You're still talking to Lorelai, right?"

"Of course." He knew that. I knew he knew that. What was he hiding…? "Jess, what happened in New York?"

He shifted in his chair. "Nothing much. You know. Hard work, graduation, hung around for a while…"

"Look, we may not have talked for two years, but I know you well enough to know that something's wrong!" I burst out.

"Rory, nothing happened…"

"I think something did." I gave him my trademark stare, the one that used to keep him from teasing me, the one that used to convince him to let me borrow his books. I refused to look away.

I couldn't remember seeing Jess this uncomfortable around me. It shook me, but the look on his face only lasted for a second.

"Listen, Ror," he said. _Ror. Jess was the only one who could ever call me that_. "I'll see you around, okay?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I knew you were going to Yale…but it's been surprising to see you, so suddenly…I missed you too…"

"Really." I was instantly sorry for that, and Jess knew it. He wasn't offended.

"It was really nothing big. But I'll tell you what happened and everything…I'll keep talking to you, okay? If you want me to."

"I do, Jess. I really do." I wrote down my phone number and handed it to him, still longing to know why he'd been in New Haven for "a while."

"Good," he replied. "I'm sorry…"

"Forget I," I said sincerely, smiling. "At least for now."

"That's Rory." He grinned slightly. "Here's my number."

"Thanks." 

"See you around." He got up.

"How long will you be here, anyway?" _Come on, please tell me_…

"A while," Jess answered.

"Okay…see ya, Jess."

"Bye, Rory." He left. I watched him go, finished my coffee, and left too. I was about to pay for it when I realized that Jess already had.

I was glad to see my best friend again. But I still couldn't help wondering what happened to telling each other everything. I knew _something_ had happened back in New York. I wanted to know what. I wanted to know why he'd stopped writing to me. I wanted to know why he was here, in Connecticut, now. I wanted to know…when he'd read my book.


	3. Here and hiding

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 3 – Here and hiding

*This chapter is dedicated to Jess (not Mariano, though he is like him in some ways), one of my best friends, who is a _great_ writer, and who gave me a lot of ideas for this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yale, any books or authors, or Gilmore Girls.

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long! I really do have this story planned out, but I know it doesn't seem like it. This time I don't really have any excuses either. I was on a school trip for almost a week in Florida and then I couldn't get to the computer. Which is all true, but I did have time, I think. It should be faster from now on. I'm working on chapter 4, but I have exams next week and I have to STUDY, and Monday's my birthday, and I just wrote my graduation speech for June 11th and I'm…not the best public speaker in the world. lol. I like how this turned out, so I hope you all do. Anyway, enjoy! THANKS to all reviewers! ~Arianna

It was a while before I saw Jess again. That didn't mean I stopped thinking about him. I kept going back to that bookstore. The books were great, of course. But I didn't have many friends in my classes, and for some reason I couldn't get myself to call Jess. So I was kind of lonely, and Melanie was fun to talk to. She and I got to be pretty good friends.

I went in one weekend, feeling like I had read every book in New Haven.

"Hey," Melanie greeted me.

"Hey, Mel," I answered.

She smiled. "How boring _is _your apartment?"

I laughed slightly. "Extremely."

"I can see that." She paused. "So, you never told me—how'd you get here, anyway?"

I told her about Stars Hollow, Chilton, and Harvard—and finally deciding to come to Yale.

"Cool. I went to Southern Connecticut State—actually did better than I thought I would. Reading was my thing…not school so much."

"Yeah.  I knew…someone who went there," I replied, thinking for a second about Dean. He was married now. And me? I hadn't had a real boyfriend since I'd broken up with him. It had been the right decision, though…right?

"Rory?" Mel said.

"Oh, sorry." I shook myself out of my thoughts.

"Hey…what happened the other day?" Mel asked.

"The other day?"

"You know. When you walked out of here with that guy…Jess."

That startled me. "Jess? How do you know his name? Wait—do you know him?"

"Sort of like I know you."

"Like you know me?" _Ooh, Jess, you liar. What exactly did you mean by 'a while'?_

She nodded. "He comes into the bookstore pretty often. Just says hi and stuff." She looked at me. "Or 'hi, I'm Jess,'" she amended.

"H-how long has he been coming in here?" I asked, my voice shaky.

Melanie thought for a second. "Nine months, I guess. Maybe about a year." She looked concerned. "Rory? Are you okay?"

_He's in for it_, I thought. _Why didn't he tell me?_

"Um…yeah," I said. "It's just…yesterday wasn't the first time I met him."

"What?'

I told her the whole story. About living in Stars Hollow, and being with Dean and breaking up with him. About Luke's nephew moving in and being best friends with him—Jess. About going to college and how he'd stopped writing.

It was the first time I'd really told someone everything. Not even my mom knew every detail. It had been too hard to tell her then… It did make me feel better. I had to think about a lot.

"Wow," Melanie said softly, when I'd finished.

"Hey—thanks for listening," I said.

"No problem—"

"Listen, I have to go." I practically ran out of the bookstore, questions reeling through my mind. I couldn't figure out why Jess had hidden that from me. Didn't he want to talk to me? Did I hurt him or something? I would have thought he'd miss his best friend. _I _was hurt. Didn't he care?

I sat down in my chair to think, back at my apartment. Then I pulled my binder toward me and tried to review my notes. I couldn't concentrate at all.

I put the binder away and sat there for a few more minutes. Then I reached into my pocket and pulled out the slip of paper with Jess' number. And stared at it.

I got up and went over to the phone. I stood there, my hand hovering over the receiver, and then I went back to sit down.

What would I say? What could I say?

"Jess, why were you in New Haven for a year?" _Stupid._

"Jess, why didn't you talk to me?" _I don't wanna sound desperate. I just sort of missed him, that's all._

"Jess, I missed you." _True, but pathetic._

What could I gain from this?

But on impulse, I went over to the phone again. And before I could have second thoughts, I dialed.

He answered on the second ring.

"This is Jess Mariano."

"Uh, hey, Jess." _Why did I do this again?_

He sounded surprised, but not unhappy. "Hey, Rory."

"Jess, I have to talk to you."

"Uh, okay. What about?" I could tell he was going to sit down now. Probably get a book, too. How could he be so casual about this? I could _not_ get hysterical now.

"I was at that bookstore today. The one I saw you at." _Lame, lame…jeez._

"Oh. Cool." _He knows what I'm gonna say…_

"I was talking to Melanie."

"Right. She owns the place, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does. And you know that!" I burst out. "You know that because you've been here for a year, going there and donating books and talking to Mel, and you knew I was here. You never looked for me or called me! You never did anything! I don't know why you were here and I wanna know. I don't know what happened to you, why you left New York or why you came here! Weren't you my best friend? What the hell happened?" I suddenly felt like I was gonna cry.

"Rory, I—I'm sorry," he managed to say.

"You are. Huh. Why…why, Jess?" As much as I tried to hide it, I knew he heard the tears in my voice. He still knew me too well.

"I was gonna tell you, Rory…" He sounded weird too. I had trouble caring just then, concentrating on calming myself down.

"I don't get it! Tell me why you didn't!" My voice cracked at the end of the sentence. I couldn't figure out why this hurt so much. 

"I…I don't know how to—" I thought I heard Jess start to cry. I wasn't sure. Then he hung up.

"Jess?" I said tightly.

I hung up too, and then I went to my bed and started crying. What had I done? What had Jess done?


	4. Read a book, find what's missed

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 4 – Read a book, find what's missed 

Disclaimer: I don't own GG or anything to do with it. I don't own any universities, books, authors, or movies either.

A/N: _Thanks_ for all the reviews!! Here's the next chapter; and I'm working on chapter 5. Updates should be faster from now on, because I graduate on Wednesday. I'm really happy—and **surprised**—because I got an A on all my exams, except I still have one to be graded. Hopefully…lol. We also had a school track meet, and my team won…but it was close. Good luck to anyone else taking finals!! For future reference: To anyone from NY—I've been there, and I like it too; anything bad is because Jess didn't have a good life there and that part would be from his perspective. The story's Rory's POV though. Enjoy!  ~Arianna

I woke up the next day and lay there for a while, still upset.

_Stop it_, I told myself. _Crying won't help!_

I finally got up and changed, deciding that I was not going to cry. Not at all. For the rest of the day. I wiped my eyes and made myself breakfast.

Then I proofread my essay, reviewed my notes, and reread Jane Eyre. I hung out in my apartment all day. And by ten that night, I still wasn't exactly happy. But at least I hadn't cried.

It took me a while to get back to that bookstore. But the monotony of my apartment got to me after too long. So I did end up back there. I kept wondering what Melanie would say.

I found out soon enough.

"Rory?" Melanie said as soon as I came in.

I gave her my best forced smile. "Hey, Mel."

She sighed. "I'm sorry for asking…are you okay?"

"I'm all right," I said.

"I guess you still miss him," she said sympathetically.

"Yeah, I miss him. Why didn't he _tell_ me, damn it!" I yelled. "I'm sorry."

"No, that's okay." Mel looked away. "Hey, I think there's some stuff over there you'd be interested in." She pointed.

I tried to smile again. "Thanks." I went over to the section she had indicated and started looking through it. I did find some interesting stuff. I was trying to get my mind off my life. And then I found something.

It looked relatively new, unusual for this store. The cover looked like the surface of a lake, and in dark letters, it said: Talking on the Bridge.

I looked for the author's name.

J. A. Mariano.

I dropped the book.

Then, still in shock, I picked it back up and opened it slowly. I used to be the only one Jess would let read the stuff he'd written.

On the inside cover, the dedication:  _For Rory. If you find this, friends forever.  –Jess_

I felt my anger disappear; my eyes fill with tears. _Jess…_

I still wanted to know what had _happened_. We used to be so close. I wished we still were. I wanted to talk to him. Now.

I went back up to the desk, holding the book.

"You knew," I accused.

"I knew," Mel admitted.

"Is that why you told me to…"

"Not entirely."

"Okay." I waited. "So how much is this?"

"It's free." 

"What?"

"Take it. I mean it."

"Mel…"

"C'mon, Rory."

I gave in. "See you later." She smiled, and I left, opening the book and starting to read.

I didn't notice when I lived there, but there are no good bridges in New York… 

I loved it instantly.

When I got back to my apartment, I got into my chair and continued reading. I finished it that afternoon.

It was definitely one of the best books I'd ever read.

I had to tell Jess.

But if I called him, he'd think…

I got an idea. And walked back to the bookstore.

"Mel?" I called.

"Rory?"

"Do you know where Jess lives?"

"Look in the book!" 

"I did. It doesn't say." _Because if it did, I could find him. Luke could find him. Mom could find him._

"I'll look," she replied, bending behind the desk to search for it. She came up, reluctantly holding something out to me. "I found it."

I tried and failed to smile at her. "Thanks, Mel."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"I know…"

"He wouldn't want you to give this away. I know. I don't care."

"Good luck," Melanie said softly.

"I hope…I won't need it." I left, gripping the paper tightly.

_This is Jess_, I told myself. _Your best friend. He used to care about you…and he probably still does. He won't kick you out of his apartment. He owes you an explanation. You need to do this. You're not going to run away. You will start walking, now._

I looked at the paper again, reading the address. I knew where that was. I made myself start walking.

It took me about ten minutes to get there. I stepped up to the door, wanting to run away, back to my apartment. I was scared. But I took a deep breath and knocked softly.

I heard footsteps and tried to calm myself down. It didn't work.

The doorknob twisted. _No_. And then it opened. I shoved the book in my coat pocket so Jess wouldn't see it.

"Rory," he said.

"Jess…"

"You—you look cold…"

"Uh, yeah, I—I walked here." _Don't be scared_.

"Why?"

"You hung up on me."

"Damn, Rory—" He looked away. "I was crying, okay?"

"Okay." I stopped. "I was crying too."

He still didn't look at me. "I know."

"I thought you did…"

"So…you wanna come in?" Jess asked uncertainly.

"Okay." I followed him inside. I _hated_ being so uncomfortable around him.

"Listen, Ror—I have a lot to tell you."

"Were you ever going to?" I stared at him.

He met my gaze squarely. "Yes. I was."

"I'm ready."

"Here, c'mon—" We went into a sort of living room, with shelves of books along the walls, a table, and two chairs. We both sat down. "This is—really hard," he told me.

"You know you can tell me anything."

"Yeah. Okay."

Jess waited, and then began.

"I told you I graduated college."

"You did."

He looked down again. "I was in New York, having a hard time with everything. It was really bad—"

"You never told me!" I said, scandalized. "Even when you were writing, you never told me."

"I didn't know how…and I didn't want to."

"Why does everybody want to protect me?" I yelled. "I'm twenty-four, Jess."

"I know. It wasn't that. I—I knew you'd feel sorry for me. I knew you'd want to come see me and say hi and talk."

I didn't reply. He was right.

"I didn't want you to come," he continued. "You'd hate it. Mostly, I hated it." _Jess, why didn't you come back?_ "I applied to NYU, but I didn't want to go. I got an application to Columbia, I got in and I went. I have a degree in English Literature too."

"Jess," I interrupted, "you're leaving something out." _And it must be something bad._ "You stopped writing to me somewhere between New York and college applications!"

"Rory…"

"Jess…" I hesitated. "I read it."

"You read what?"

"I loved the book."

He stared at me. "You…"

"It couldn't be better! Jess—you should have told me."

"I…"

"I saw the dedication," I said softly. He didn't answer. I smiled slightly, thinking. _Columbia…writing…and I knew he could do this._

I leaned forward and gave him a hug. "Jess, you wrote a book, you went to an Ivy League school…"

I know he was surprised. "Rory—"

"I'm really proud of you," I told him.

Jess hugged me back, and memories flashed through my head: Jess waiting for me at the bus stop, going to Chilton with me on my first day. Movie nights and throwing popcorn at each other, laughing and reading and listening to music. Jess comforting me when I broke up with Dean. Sitting on the bridge, promising we'd be friends forever.

We let go of each other.

"Hey…you can save the story if you want," I said.

He seemed relieved. "Okay."

"So we're both published writers."

"I guess we are."

"I told you that you were good."

"I missed you, Rory."

I looked away. "I missed you too." I glanced at Jess and could tell he was trying to get himself under control. I guess now he wouldn't cry in front of me.

"Will you call me?" I asked.

"Yeah, I will," Jess replied.

"Good." He would call. I had to believe that. I still had to know…I had to know.


	5. This can't really be edited

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 5 – This can't really be edited

Disclaimer: I'm sure you all know I own basically nothing. You're right; I don't. lol. 

A/N: Here's the next chapter! Hope you like it. Thanks for all the great reviews! I just realized that ff.n hasn't been updating my review page for almost a week, but I just went on my email and read them all! Thank you!! I finally have more time to write…but it's sad, all my friends at school are going to different highschools…I don't want to leave. This is the first time I've gone to a new school in six years. Graduation was great, though. (It's middle school graduation, not high school!) Okay, on with the chapter, and sorry it's taken so long—enjoy! More of all my fics should be up soon!  ~Arianna

I smiled at Jess and left, walking home slowly. I felt much better. I still didn't know what had happened. But I knew he had missed me. He was glad I was here; he was going to call me. And that was worth all of it. I needed my best friend.

I went home, worked hard, and got an excellent grade on my paper. 

Jess called a few days later. I answered the phone too tired to wonder who it was. I stopped being tired when I heard his voice.

"Hey."

"You called!" I said.

I knew he was grinning. "I called."

"I'm glad."

"Me too," he replied, quietly. After a while, he said, "Rory?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you still writing?"

"Sometimes. I'm not doing another book now or anything…just got back an A+ paper though."

"That's the Rory I remember." Hearing that was half nice, half painful. Jess realized, probably from my silence, that he'd hurt me. "Rory, I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," I said quickly.

"Look…could you come over? You don't have to, I just—"

"Of course I will." I paused. "Thanks."

"Don't worry, I have coffee."

"I'd come anyway." I smiled. "Be right there."

"Sure." I heard a click as Jess hung up. I grabbed my jacket and mostly empty backpack, and shut the door behind me, wondering what Jess wanted.

I got there soon; didn't have to knock before Jess was at the door.

"Hey, Jess."

"Hey, Rory." I followed him inside.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Well…"

"Jess?"

"I asked you if you were writing."

"You did," I stated.

"Rory…" He put his hands in his pockets, then reached over to his desk, drew his hand back.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah." This was weird, for Jess. Sure, he was never the most talkative person—my mom took that place by a long shot. But if he wanted to say something, especially to me, he almost always knew how to say it. "Remember when we used to edit each other's essays?"

"Of course." Now I was really curious. I knew there was something he wanted to tell me—or, more likely, something he wanted to ask me. He was obviously nervous—which wasn't like the Jess I knew.

"I'm working on something else," he said finally, "and I want you toe read it, edit it…you know."

I was so glad he had asked me. I couldn't wait. "Sure!" I answered immediately. "Of course; I'd love to." I grinned.

Jess grinned back. "That's great."

We smiled at each other for a second.

"So…can I see it?" I asked.

"Oh right. Here." Jess went over to a shelf and got a blue notebook; handed it to me. "It's…I can't explain."

"I'll see." I was quiet for a minute. "Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Before I go home, and read this…do you want to…get something to eat, or something?" I looked up at him. "We won't talk about it. I promise."

"Okay," he replied, knowing what I meant. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know…we could just walk around; see if we find anything."

"Okay." Jess glanced at me. "You can come back for your stuff."

"Sounds good." We left Jess' apartment. Left _together_, for the first time in years. I guess I hadn't realized, through the years at college, that I'd really been missing something. I mean, when he didn't write back, I was upset. I missed him a lot. But as it went on, I didn't know that…I needed to talk to him, in a way.

We walked in silence for a while. Then I said, "So…can you tell me what it's about?"

Jess knew what I meant. "I can try." He hesitated. "I…it's about a guy. And a girl. And…"

"Jess?"

"Can't you just read it?!"

"I'm sorry," I said softly, hurt.

"Listen, I didn't mean it that way."

"So how did you mean it?" I asked.

"I don't want—it's hard to talk about. I just started writing; I don't even know what's gonna happen." He waited. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

"It's okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Jess?" I said.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for calling."

"I know…this probably doesn't mean much now," he replied, "but I did say I would."

I met his eyes and smiled. "Yeah, you did."

He glanced down, unsure of what to say. I didn't mind. This was the Jess I remembered. Then I saw something.

"Jess, look!" It was a small brick building on a street corner; old blue letters above the door said: The Readers' Café. "We have to go in."

"Fine with me." Jess followed me across the street and into the café.

"Wow," I whispered. The walls were covered with bookshelves, stacks of novels in the corners. The only place not full of books was the counter. There was a glass case with cookies and donuts. Pitchers and mugs were stacked behind the register. "I wonder what kind of coffee they have," I said.

Jess started laughing. I turned to him. "What?"

"Nothing," he replied. "It's just…you walk into your perfect restaurant…and that's the first thing you say."

"It was the second thing I said!" I protested.

"I know you're Rory."

"I'll take that as a compliment." It happened so fast. This was actually a typical conversation, for us. I was glad. Really glad.

We went up to the counter together.

"I'll have a large coffee," I said. "And a chocolate donut."

"I'll have the same…small coffee," Jess added.

"Is this together?" the guy at the counter asked.

"Yes," Jess and I said at the same time.

"No way, Rory."

"You paid last time!"

"Look, you know I owe you."

"Not like this!"

"Ror…let's not have this argument here."

"I take it you're not giving up," I said shrewdly.

"Not at all. See, I'll pay—" he did—"and we can argue about you repaying me, back at the table." I couldn't help grinning. The cashier laughed at us too—a friendly laugh, not a mean one.

We each took our food and found a table near several shelves of books, which seemed to be arranged alphabetically down the shelves.

"Let me pay you back," I insisted.

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Jess!"

"Still stubborn, huh?"

"And proud of it," I answered. "At least let me pay my half! Come on—"

"Consider it a present," he suggested.

"I can't!"

"Compromise?" Jess relented.

"Depends."

"You pay half of yours, okay? And stop arguing." He grinned. "I wanna talk about books instead."

I sighed. Jess knew perfectly well that I hated giving in. Especially to him, because he knew that he could always make me agree to something. At least, it used to be that way. "Deal. Thanks, Jess."

"You're welcome."

I took a drink of my coffee, thinking about Luke's again. I didn't say anything, because I wanted to be comfortable with Jess for a while. It was nice. I'd missed it. And I knew he didn't wanna talk about that.

"Tell me about your book," he said.

"You've read it," I pointed out.

"How long did it take?" he asked.

I shrugged, mentally calculating it. "About a year," I replied. "What about yours?"

I saw him hesitate; saw him almost turn away and almost change the subject, though I didn't mention it. He knew I'd noticed. But instead he said, "Same. Around a year."

I changed the subject for him, hoping he knew it was on purpose. I guessed he did. "Please tell me you've at least tried The Fountainhead again."

"Actually, I sort of did…" We launched into a discussion—closer to a debate—about Ayn Rand.

It was one of the best afternoons I'd had in a long time. We left the café about forty-five minutes later. Despite my—disagreement—with Jess, I was smiling, and I knew he almost was.

I walked back to his apartment with him to get my stuff. When we got there, I hung around, reluctant to leave.

"Rory? You wanna come in?"

Relieved, I said, "Sure."

We sat down opposite each other in what you might have called the living room.

"So you don't have a boyfriend," Jess said suddenly.

I looked up, surprised. "Way to be random."

"Sorry. I just…wondered. I mean—can I…"

"You can talk about Dean. Really, I wasn't that upset. No matter how much I cried." Jess gave me a small smile. He'd held me through my whole time getting over that.

"Okay. I mean…you broke up with him about seven years ago now. And you're…I know guys would…want you to like them." He glanced at me. "You look great."

Embarrassed, but amused by his way of putting it, I answered, "I…don't really know. I guess I didn't meet anybody I honestly liked. And I don't want that just for fun, that's all."

"I know."

"What about you?" I asked Jess. "It's been even longer since you were serious about anyone. As far as I know."

"There isn't any more than I've told you."

"And…what you said before? I could say the same about you."

"Rory…It's pretty much the same. Didn't want it, didn't consider it a game or anything."

"I recognize that line," I said.

"What?"

"It's from your book."

"Oh, yeah, you're right. It's true though." He looked slightly surprised that I'd remembered. But not too much—he did know me, after all.

"I know." I paused. "So…I better get back."

"Glad you came," he said honestly.

"Me too," I replied, equally sincere. I held up Jess' notebook. "I'll read this, I'll make comments, I'll tell you what I think."

"Great. Thanks."

"I know it'll be great," I told him.

"You know, you could be wrong for once."

"Not likely." I grinned. "Get used to it."

"I think I already am."

I smiled, wistfully, remembering. "I'll call you when I'm done."

"Do that." He stopped, then said, "Hey, you should write more."

"Maybe." I got up. "Bye, Jess."

"See ya, Rory."

I knew I would never forget that. It took everything I had not to open the notebook as I was walking home. I couldn't wait. And I could finally, truthfully, say I was happy. I'd never say that ignorance is bliss…it's almost the opposite of what I think. But still. What I _wanted_ to know right then, I did know—Jess still cared about me. We were…I guess we were still friends.


	6. All the memories

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 6 – Memories of everything

Disclaimer: I don't own: GG, any books, any authors, any movies, any colleges. The dialogue near the end (you'll recognize it! lol) isn't mine either.

A/N: This was gonna be part of the last chapter, but I decided it would work better separately. THANKS for all the reviews! Sorry this took so long! I'm trying to get faster…it's sort of working. I have so much work to do this summer… I have tons of writing to do now…I'm working on 4 fics…but I like it. lol. I also have to do math work for honors class next year. Lots of math. Anyway… In response to a review: thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you like this and I'm sorry if you think it's moving too slowly. I promise it will get faster soon, so please keep reading (and thank you if you are!). However, actual R/J stuff might be a little while…because they did just meet after several years, and they were just best friends before. Don't worry though, I am definitely a Literati! This was a hard chapter to write…so, sorry it's short, and I hope you like it! And now I can't concentrate on anything because I've been on the computer too long. lol. On with the chapter! ~Arianna

As soon as I got back, I opened the notebook. It was filled with Jess' strangely neat handwriting, on both sides of every sheet of paper. I lay on my bed and began reading.

It was incredible. I couldn't stop reading. I had always known that Jess was talented. But this…was more than talent. I saw Jess in the main character. I saw myself in his best friend. I read about him moving away—I actually cried.

About halfway through, I found a pencil and started making a few suggestions on the sides of the pages. I didn't have that many. I knew, as a writer, for things like this, I wasn't this good.

The book wasn't finished. But I couldn't wait to read the rest.

When I finished, I wiped my eyes, got something to eat, and read it over again. By that time it was after eleven at night. I didn't care. I called Jess.

"This has to be Rory," he said when he answered the phone.

"It is. I—"

"You finished it?"

"Twice," I admitted.

"Twice?"

"It was…Jess, it was amazing."

"Look, Rory—I can't sleep either. You wanna come over and tell me…"

"Sure," I said. "I'd love to." I hung up and leaned back to glance out the window. It was dark, but not completely. The moon was out; a bright crescent, stars everywhere. It reminded me of nights in Stars Hollow, when I would meet Jess at the bridge, and we would sit there together, silent, looking out across the water or up at the sky. And I would wake up the next morning, on the bridge, with Jess' arm around me. And we would get up and go to Luke's, and Luke would look at us strangely and give me coffee, after much persuading, and make Jess work. And Mom would come in and smile at me, and I knew she would hope, even though we were best friends, that…nothing had happened. It was a routine; a tradition, one I liked.

I decided it was okay to walk over. I got my jacket and the notebook, and I put a pen in my pocket. I wasn't tired at all. I wanted to tell Jess how much I loved the story.

Jess opened the door, and we sat down while I told him how great I thought it was, pointing out my comments in pencil.

"Is it you?" I asked finally.

"Me?"

"The main character. And his best friend. Is it you and I?"

Jess looked away. "I just got this idea…I don't even know why I wrote it."

"Is it?" I persisted.

"Yeah. I guess it is." He looked at me again. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not." Then I realized… "Is it all real? What happened? You still haven't told me, and I want to know! You said you'd tell me, and you—"

"Ror, calm down."

"Jess—"

"I'll…I'll tell you," he said softly.

"Okay." I waited. Jess seemed to be thinking. I knew, from what he'd said and the way he had acted, that this was hard for him. At least he was willing to tell me.

"There isn't just one thing that happened," he said at last. "There isn't just one reason I stopped writing…" I resolved not to say anything while Jess was talking. I wanted him to tell me, and I didn't want to make it any harder for him.

"You know what happened—why I went to New York," he began again. I nodded. "My mom wanted me to come back…you know; we talked about it. I remember crying with you at the bus stop." I remembered that too. "And when I got there, I hung around, mostly by myself, reading. I went to school…enough to graduate. Did well enough…I had a reasonable GPA. What I didn't tell you—while I was leaving Stars Hollow…I had a huge fight with Luke." Pieces were, ever so slowly, beginning to fit together.

Even though I hadn't been going to talk, I heard myself saying, "Why didn't you tell me?" _Rory!_ I scolded myself silently.

"I…the night before I left, I was in the apartment, packing and everything. Luke came up and saw me…and just kind of lost it. He started yelling at me, about getting into fights at school, messing up the apartment, stealing that gnome when I first got here, leaving him at the diner when I'd promised I would work. A lot of things."

It wasn't like I'd taken an oath of silence—it would be okay if I just said something. "Jess…don't you think maybe Luke just did that…because he didn't want you to leave?" I asked gently.

"Because he didn't want me to leave."

"Yeah. Luke cared about you, Jess. He didn't want you to get hurt. And you know Luke. He couldn't tell you that. He had to get mad at you, maybe. So it would be easier."

Jess sighed. "Looking back…I think maybe you're right. But then—it got me really mad. And I was already upset about leaving. And I yelled back. I think it was something about being scared of talking to Lorelai…"

I moved over and put my arm around Jess. I think he just needed to talk to someone. Needed to talk to me.

He continued. "I took the bus to New York, put my stuff away and everything. My mom wasn't around much, but she was doing okay. That night, I got a call from Luke. He wanted to know if I'd gotten there okay. I guess that supports your theory, Ror." I squeezed his shoulder. I'd pretty much…almost forgiven him for everything. He _had_ said, several times, that he'd missed me. Like I had missed him.

"I was still mad at him," Jess explained. "So I told him that he didn't care. He told me I hadn't given a damn—his words—about anything in Stars Hollow. Except you." Jess looked at me; answered my unasked question: "He really said that."

I smiled slightly.

"Yeah. And I asked him why I would, and it got around to Luke saying that Stars Hollow should be glad I was gone."

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "It's not true though. You know that."

He didn't answer.

"Jess—" Then I thought of something. It was past one in the morning. But neither of us really seemed tired, and this was important. "That isn't why you stopped writing to me, is it?"

"No. Not exactly," he replied. I didn't have to ask. "It was…okay…Rory—I'll understand if you get mad. I don't want you to. But you have a reason—"

"I won't," I interrupted.

"Don't say that."

"I promise."

Jess took a deep breath. "You were my best friend."

"You were my best friend too."

"I told you everything. We were…really close. Everybody else considered me the James Dean wannabe, the New Yorker, the rebel-without-a-cause, and I was, and I know that."

"Not really."

"You told me everything too. You actually cared about me; you could understand when I was talking. You are the only person who's ever seen me cry—"

"I didn't just give up when you left!" I burst out. "I wrote to you—I just didn't want to, if you didn't want me to. And I couldn't know you did—"

"Listen, Rory…I didn't want things to change. I couldn't admit it, but I thought maybe it would hurt too much if I saw you at Yale and we weren't still best friends. I really missed you." Knowing Jess, I understood how tough this was for him to say. But he was telling me anyway.

"Wow."

"I know it doesn't sound like me."

"It does." Jess turned to look at me; neither of us said anything. "Hey. Thanks."

He laughed slightly, out of reaction. "For what?"

"Telling me that. I know it was hard."

"I would have told you eventually. Really."

"Yeah…I know." I put my arm around Jess again and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me too, hesitantly. "Wait. Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you come to New Haven?"

"Right." He grinned. "My mom didn't want me in New York anymore, when I finished college. She told me; she said I should go back to Connecticut. She thought it was good for me or something. I didn't have anything going for me there, so I left. I didn't want to go back to Stars Hollow, and I knew you were here, so I came…I didn't find you at first for the same reasons I stopped writing to you. I'm sorry. And I knew I'd see you sometime."

"There aren't enough bookstores here for you to avoid me forever."

"Come on."

"I am." I sighed. "I'm tired."

"You wanna stay here tonight?"

"What?"

"The apartment came with a guest room," Jess answered.

"Okay," I agreed. We got up, and Jess showed me where the room was.

"Goodnight, Rory."

"Goodnight, Dodger," I called.

"What?" he said, re-enacting the scene I would never forget.

I smiled. "Figure it out."

"Oliver Twist."

"Of course." So things were okay again. I couldn't help feeling like…like…I didn't know how to explain it. It was nice. I was staying with my best friend again. And I loved it, honestly loved it.

And the next morning…I knew, from experience, that Jess' coffee was almost as good as Luke's. I'd missed that too.

I couldn't wait.  
  



	7. A lie can change everything

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 7 – A lie can change everything

Disclaimer: I don't own GG. I don't own any books, authors, or movies. I don't own any colleges. Of all of those things, I would most like to own GG, but since I read in the paper that Milo Ventimiglia is continuing on Gilmore Girls, I'm okay. lol.

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long! I've had it written for quite a while, but I'm only gonna have access to the computer I can upload on every other week this summer, because AOL hates me (lol) and this computer is at my dad's house, where I now am every other week. So, I'm really sorry for the delay between chapters! I don't know if all the stuff about Oliver Twist editions is true; I made it up for the purposes of the story. THANK YOU to all reviewers!! I would write who you are, but ff.n won't update my statistics page, so I can't see them all. They're all GREAT, and I love reading them. Thanks especially to: Tye, Stew Pid, Sirius, IloveJess, and smile. All the reviews are very much appreciated! Also: no offense to anyone named Natalie! I like the name; it just seemed to fit. You'll see! Sorry about the long A/N! ~Arianna

I walked back to my apartment the next morning, after insisting that Jess make me coffee. Which he did.

I called him, a few days later, to ask if he wanted to go to the used bookstore with me. He said yes and came over to my apartment so we could walk there together.

Mel looked pretty surprised when we walked in.

"Hey," I said.

"H-hey, Rory, Jess," she replied.

I grinned. I would tell her later. 

"Jess, come over here," I said. "I wanna show you something."

"Coming." He followed me to the other side of the store. I pointed some stuff out.

"This is where I found your first edition," I said.

"Yeah…Oh, you know, I have a second edition Oliver Twist—there are some interesting differences in it from later editions," he told me.

"Cool," I said, smiling.

"You can borrow it," Jess offered.

"That'd be great."

Jess and I looked around for a while, recommending stuff to each other and discussing various books. Eventually I wandered over to the front desk to talk to Melanie.

"Hi, Mel."

"Hey, Rory." She grinned at me. "So it worked."

"Yeah, it did." I shook my head. "Did you know all that?"

"All what?"

"The stuff about him moving and everything…about me."

"No, I didn't know it."

"He told me yesterday…"

"I'm glad."

"Me too. Jess Mariano meets Lorelai Gilmore again, I guess."

Melanie looked at me strangely. "Lorelai Gilmore?"

Then I remembered. "I'm sorry…I never told you!"

"You're Lorelai Leigh Gilmore?"

I nodded, caught. "Rory for short."

"Okay then. Now I get it."

"I'm really sorry!" I said sincerely. "I just…at first…I didn't want attention. And then I forgot I hadn't said anything. And I was really surprised—what you said about my book. I did it for the writing. You've probably noticed that there's nothing about me in the book—"

"Don't worry about it," Mel interrupted me.

"Thanks."

She grinned. "Sign my copy?"

I laughed. "Sure." Mel held it out, and I wrote 'Rory Gilmore' on the first page.

Jess came up. "So I know a famous author."

I grinned at him. "Guess you do. At least I know one, too."

Both Jess and Mel knew what I meant. "I've already asked him," Mel laughed.

I glanced at my watch. "Oh—I have a class this afternoon!" I said.

"Now?"

"Almost twenty minutes from now."

"We'd better go then," Jess pointed out. "See ya," he called to Melanie.

"Bye, Mel!" I shouted as we left.

Jess walked over to the bus stop with me. "Hey, after your class, why don't you come over and pick up that book?" he suggested.

"Sounds good," I replied, as the bus screeched to a halt in front of us. "See you then."

"See ya, Ror." I got on the bus and sat in a window seat. It was relatively empty; there were only a few other unfamiliar faces there. I put my bag next to me on the seat and looked out the window, silently watching Jess walk away.

Class was fine—we discussed different styles of writing. I pretended to take notes while I proofread and fixed my paper. The teacher didn't notice.

I took the bus back to the same stop and walked over to Jess' apartment.

"Hey," he said, opening the door as I came up the steps.

"Hey, Jess." 

"Come on in." We walked together into the apartment, to a room I hadn't seen before. There was a small table and two chairs in the corner. The rest of the room was books.

I didn't know what to say; I just grinned. Jess grinned back, then went over to the other side of the room and took a book off a shelf.

I stared at him. "Don't tell me this is all organized…"

"Organized chaos."

"That's my style," I said. "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Well…I've got homework," I told Jess.

"Yeah."

"I'll see you later."

"Bye, Ror." I smiled and let myself out. 

The book was beautiful: Red leather binding, yellowed pages, old-fashioned print. The words 'Oliver Twist' were on the cover in gold letters.

It was a nice day; the sky was bright blue and scattered with clouds. A cool breeze came toward me, ruffling the pages of the book and blowing my hair back.

When I got back, I set the book on the table and took off my jacket. Then, unable to resist, I got the book and went to sit in the comfortable armchair. But when I set it in my lap, it fell open to a page in the back, where I could see a folded piece of paper.

I was pretty sure Jess hadn't known this was here, when he gave it to me. What was it…I hesitated. Was it any of my business? I knew what my mom would have done. And decided to follow her lead.

I picked up the paper and unfolded it, my hand shaking. It had writing on it. Light, rounded handwriting that was neater even than Jess' writing was.

I swallowed and read it:

Dear Jess: That's a great idea. I'll meet you at home. At your apartment, I mean. Dinner will be great. See you soon!     Love, Natalie

What could this mean? _He lied. He lied to me._

Slowly, I took out a picture from under the note. It showed Jess, his arm around a pretty woman with dark hair. She was laughing, leaning on him, and Jess looked happy too. There was a look in his eyes, though…not exactly happy…I didn't recognize it. They were standing in a grassy field that reminded me of Central Park. Jess was wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt. The woman—Natalie, I guessed—wore a blue skirt and white sweater.

_He said he'd tell me everything!_ I desperately wanted to rip it up, but I didn't. I slammed the book shut, threw myself on my bed, and cried.

When I was finished, I wiped my face on my sleeve, grabbed the note and photo, and half ran to Jess'.

I shoved the door open; luckily, it wasn't locked.

"Jess!" I yelled.

"Rory?" he said, coming into the hall.

"Yeah, it's me." I was shaking in anger. "How could you lie to me? I never thought you would. I _trusted_ you! I've never lied to you! Not ever, as long as I've known you, except that once about your birthday present—"

"Lied to you…"

"_Don't act confused!_" I shouted.

"Rory?"

"Natalie," I said coldly.

Jess turned pale, and I knew I'd been right. I had hoped so much that I hadn't; that Jess would explain that she was his cousin or something…because that wouldn't be a big deal; that could just be something he'd totally forgotten about telling me…

My eyes filled with angry tears. "I suppose you were gonna tell me about that too? Or did you think I wouldn't find out about this either?" I was yelling partly because I was angry, partly because I was hurt.

"Rory…I…I would have…"

I didn't answer.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

"I don't know what happened! All I know is you left something out yesterday. Something big. You didn't want me to know and I don't know why!"

"I didn't wanna say it because it hurt, okay?" Jess yelled. "I met her at Columbia, and we were pretty serious, and it didn't work out, and that's why I left! My mom had nothing to do with it. So now you know." He had been trying not to yell at me, had been trying to be calm, but he lost it. I could understand that, though I wouldn't consider saying that now.

I didn't know what to say.

"I almost wrote to you afterwards, but every time I did I started crying and I gave up!" Jess told me, angrily.

"You could have told me!" I said helplessly, starting to cry again.

"You don't know what it's like!" he said harshly. "You haven't loved anyone since Dean. And he was your boyfriend six years ago!"

That stung. I threw the note and photo at him and covered my face with my hands, upset. Then I left, slamming the door behind me.

As I did, I noticed Jess pick up the photo and stare at it. And right before I shut the door, I thought I heard him start to cry too. _I guess she must have been important to him…_

I cried for the entire way to my apartment. I couldn't forget the hurt look on Jess' face.

Natalie. I hated that name. At least, now I did.

_Maybe I shouldn't have said it like that_. I didn't know what I should have done. _But he promised…he said he'd tell me everything._ I used to know everything about him.

And that comment about Dean…Jess used to understand me. He used to be one of the few who really did. I thought maybe he still did…

Six years could change so much.

I went to bed early, crying for a while before I could fall asleep.

I should have kept writing, should have called, should have gone to find him.

I got a chance to have my best friend back. Would he speak to me again? I'd hurt him and he'd hurt me…and things had seemed so great before. I didn't want to lose the chance. And yet what choices did I have…

I decided to call my mom in the morning, and finally, after a few hours, I went to sleep.


	8. I'm not safe in Stars Hollow

Connecticut Writers

Chapter 8 – I'm not safe in Stars Hollow

Disclaimer: I don't own any books, movies, authors, or colleges, and I don't own Gilmore Girls either.

A/N: THANKS for all the reviews! You're the best! More of Talk About Books should be up soon too (hopefully later today, if not, then tomorrow). Sorry this chapter is so short; it was necessary for the story. I promise the next chapter will be longer! There'll be more Jess in the next chapter I think, I just needed to bring Lorelai into the story. Enjoy!  ~Arianna

I woke up the next morning and started to get out of bed. Then I remembered what had happened, and I lay back down, wishing I could forget it. I couldn't.

After a while, I got up, took a shower, and got dressed, and I called my mom. I got the answering machine.

"Hey Mom, it's Rory. I'm gonna try your cell phone; if I don't reach you, could you call me?"

I dialed her cell phone number. She answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mom."

"Rory!" I heard noises in the background. "Hold on a second." She didn't cover the speaker part of the phone though, and I heard her talking to Luke:

"Lorelai, no cell phones, for the millionth time."

"It couldn't really be the millionth, could it? Because I've only—"

"Next time, read the sign," he said.

"But Luke, it's Rory!"

"Okay, say hi for me. Outside."

"But Luke, Rory needs to know that I still…that I…"

"Rory needs to know that you would rather talk to her than argue about cell phones," Luke told her.

"Oh, she knows that." She picked up the phone. "Right, Rory?"

"Right…Mom? Could you go outside? I really want to talk to you."

"Okay." I heard her get up and walk out the door. I knew she was glaring at Luke, the way she always did when her phone rang in the diner. "What is it?"

"Well…something happened the other day…" I told her about all of it, from seeing Jess' name in the book in the bookstore and meeting Melanie, to getting to know him over again and finding out that he'd lied about Natalie. I didn't tell her everything Jess had told me, though. By the time I had finished, I was fighting tears again.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said.

"I don't know what to do!" I cried.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not!"

"Are you still mad at him?"

I thought for a minute. "Yeah, I am."

"Is he really upset?"

"Yes," I said at last. "I think he is."

"Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"Upset, but I'll live."

"Okay." She sounded concerned.

"We were just getting to be friends again!"

"I know…" Mom stopped. "Hey…if you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine—but Luke hasn't had any contact from Jess in years…"

"Um…I kinda know why."

"You do?" She was interested.

"But…I promised Jess I wouldn't tell anyone," I said apologetically. "Just…I don't think…I don't think you should mention this to Luke."

"Oh." I knew she was disappointed.

"I'm sorry."

"That's fine."

"Damn it, why am I even keeping my promises to him?" I yelled.

"Because you care about him," my mom said softly. I didn't reply. "Listen, Rory. I really don't think he meant to hurt you. Maybe he was still hurting. Maybe he didn't know how you would take it."

"Well, he should have known! He used to know me better than anyone but you! And I knew him better than anyone else…" I realized what she was saying. "_You're_ defending Jess?"

Mom laughed, rather bitterly. "It sounds like he needs new consideration. He's different, isn't he?" She paused. "It must have been so weird…"

"Yeah, he's different," I said fiercely. "He's really different. He used to trust me! We used to tell each other everything."

"Don't give up," she told me.

"I'll try."

"That works. I love you."

"I love you," I replied, and hung up. _How can I not give up?_ Wait. _What am I saying?_

Why couldn't he have told me the truth at first? Why hadn't he trusted me? How…how much would he hate me now? Would I ever be able to do anything about it…was Jess okay?

And no degree or classes could help me with those questions. I wished more than anything they could.

I'd been really _happy_.

There always seemed to be some sort of catch. I remembered saying goodbye to Jess, when he left for New York. I couldn't stop crying. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.

My _life_.

2nd A/N: Since there are no single authors' notes allowed on ff.net anymore, I'm adding this to the end of this chapter…. Okay, I know it's been forever, and I'm really, really sorry… I promise I'll finish everything someday, no matter how long it takes. I can't believe I've been posting here for over a year…anyway, this is the important part of the a/n that *was* the "next chapter." Thank you all for your reviews, they're great, and as unbelievable as it may seem (lol), they do make me want to write more! Anyway…

To Becks (and anyone else wondering about Jess and Rory's relationship in this fic): Don't worry! I am a HUGE literati myself and I personally don't like when Rory and Jess get together but there are still problems, or they didn't resolve something. Eventually this will be a R/J fic and all Lits should be happy. Trust me, I can't write sad endings. lol. There are quite a few chapters left!

To anyone worried about Jess/Natalie: Here's what happened—Rory was upset that Jess lied to her, and she gave him the note and photo and he cried. _But_: I didn't say Jess was still in love with her. That was just sort of Rory's interpretation…that she had been important to him. I hate Natalie too! lol. I'm sorry I didn't make that clearer. I don't want to say any more about this so I don't ruin what's gonna happen, but please keep reading! I _really_ appreciate all the reviews.

And the spoilers about Jess coming back (I'm not saying he is, or that he isn't)…there are spoilers on several websites now, it's different than I thought it was when I wrote that last chapter…if you haven't heard them and want to, you can check gilmoregirls.org, or email me if you want! ~ Ari


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